到底, 習慣是甚麼?

今天, 我到了一個新的地方, 開始了新的工作. 以前的工作環境是非常的舒服自在, 如今卻好像跌了一跤掉近尼坑里. 人只有想要往上爬, 而我卻好像是越爬越是往後落. 我知道, 今天只是第一天而已, 真的還來不及習慣一切. 我知道, 新的環境多麼的不理想, 時間久了, 一定會習慣的. 只要放工時間一到, 舒服的家就在等著我, 一切的疲勞辛苦就會消失.

但是, 想念一個人卻不能夠讓他知道, 這種苦與痛, 我永遠也習慣不來. 一路回家, 淚水一直在我的眼睛里打滾. 只有在洗澡的時候, 我才允許它們跟著淋浴喷头(Shower head) 噴出來的水一起滑落. 我真的很難過, 我真的很不開心, 我真的很不快樂. 我真的好想你! 我真的好弱, 一直被自己的情緒給打敗, 一直越來越悲觀了 :( 本來很不想再寫部落格了, 因為不想要讓你們(讀我的blog的朋友們) 看到我的不快樂, 不要讓你們為我擔心. 到最後, 我還是必須用我自己一個人的力量, 把不快樂和懦弱的自己, 毀滅掉!

再多十二個小時, 我又會回到那個我還不習慣的環境, 又多一天給我去學習習慣. 這個時候, 好希望有個人可以拍拍我的手(不喜歡被拍肩膀, 新的老闆跟我說話時卻偏偏愛拍 *恨*), 跟我說, 會越來越好過的. 我真的相信, 習慣了就會好過的.

思念某個人的時候, 我好希望他會握住我的手, 跟我說, 我也想念你.
但是, 再也沒有機會感受那雙溫柔又溫暖的手在我的手裡了.
這種失落感, 叫我怎麼去習慣?

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會有那麼一天.....

吃了又不爽,還要吃來幹嘛?

為甚麼,我還是有那樣的感覺和想法?
我要拿甚麼去勝過天意呢?

我, 瘋了.

那本書教我的事.....

感覺很重要, 但是, 是非對錯更重要. 若是我們一味地跟著感覺走, 不用多久,你就會發現, 許多看似很'爽'的東西, 不僅不正確, 而且感覺也不好. 所謂正不正確, 簡單來講, 就是指後果好還是不好. 甚麼樣的人會經常做出感覺好卻不正確的事? 就是那些不考慮後果的人. 事情的結果比短暫的感覺更重要.
因為, 事情的結果不是我們可以控制的, 但是感覺這種東西, 確是自己可以調整的.

喜歡是一種感覺, 傷心也是一種感覺, 失望, 被背叛, 被拒絕.....都只是一種感覺. 而我現在要做的, 就是勝過自己的感覺.







p/s: Thank you, Fanny, for that day :)

17年就醬過去了.....

17年前,我們開始認識了,還是同班同學.
那一年, 他和我是朋友. 那一年, 我們只有11歲.
11歲的他, 喜歡一位可愛的女生,這每個人都知道.
11歲的我, 其實曾經有偷偷的喜歡過他一下下,這沒有人知道.

13歲的我們, 很巧的, 上了同一所中學.
但是, 我們再也沒有同班了.
偶爾在學校碰過面,但卻沒有多說幾句話.
雖然像是陌生人, 但是, 我們是朋友.

17歲的我們,上了理工學院.
是緣分嗎? 我們竟然讀同一科系, 又做回了同班同學.
我們開始變成了很要好的朋友.

19歲的我們, 變成了情人.
這是我完全沒有料到的事情.
彼此認識了8年後, 我們從朋友變成了情人.
那一年的我們, 真的過得好幸福, 好開心.

28歲的我們, 從朋友變情人再變朋友.
從單純的小孩,變成了成熟的大人.
愛情走到了鏡頭, 是否還能做朋友?
還能做朋友,或許這是最好的結果?

當我發現,他再也不愛我了, 我的心痛了.
當我發現, 他不會再回到我的身邊, 我的心無力了.
當我發現, 他心裡有了另一位女生, 我的心碎了.

朋友變情人再變朋友, 真的好難受... ...

我的心雖然痛過,無力過,碎過,但是, 我的心卻還沒死.
我還在等待.

我們是否可以, 從朋友變情人再變朋友又再變情人呢?

心如刀割

Sorry Fen, I don't think I have the mood to go shopping with you this friday. I am truly sorry. KK & I need some time together. Don't worry, we are okay. Just need more time together alone.

Sorry I will be having a very tough & rough week, and it's only the 3rd day of the week. It will be a week filled with heartaches & tiredness. I truly hope, by the end of this week, everything will be okay again. But don't worry, i will be fine. I want to be fine!

Let's us all meet during CNY eve at chinatown ba. Promise! (*cross finger*)

Thank you for your understanding :)

P/s: I'm glad u r working part time at Ying's office! Yayee!

我感覺快要不能呼吸了!

>_<

我發現我越來越不快樂了!

|............|
|....跌....|
|......進..|
|....谷....|
|..低......|
|............|
|............|
|..Orz.|

從1月24號到2月1號休假,
我要讓自己快樂起來!

p/s: 我的Orz 好像是扒在地上哭泣!

气刀凹（到）~~~

如果这世界上，少了那些在背后捅你一刀的恶人，这世界将会是更美好。
如果这世界上，少了那些爱无中生有的小人，这世界将会是更美好。

To this bitxx in my company:

When you told us not to discuss christmas party during office hours, we ignored you. Hey, come on, christmas party is for the office, you don't expect us to use our personal time to organise it. And we offer to help our new colleague who will be incharge of the party out of goodwill. We didn't plan to use the whole day to discuss about it, we only intend to use 1 hour. So we ignored you and continue the discussion. So you had to pick on the newest colleague who don't have the courage to fight back. So you talked loudly to her, and made it looked like it's her fault. We are the one who said to ignore you, so why you don't have the courage to say that in our face. Why do you have to talk about us behind our back? Miss Coward!

So we decide we don't want to organise the party anymore, because you, stupid bitxx, expect us to meet up on saturday or stay back after office hours to discuss about it. We talked to the boss, we don't want to do it anymore. And we thought this matter had come to an end, yet 1 wk later, you still have to bring everything up.

When the accountant asked what happened to the party. You had the cheek to say you scolded us so we don't want to organise. Hey, you had your facts wrong. You didn't scold us right in our face. You told the accountant that we used office hours to discuss about the party, hoping that the accountant will feel the same as you. I'm so sorry for you that, the accountant didn't agree with you. Even she agreed that since the party is for office, we can of cos discuss during office hours. Even colleague no. 1,2 & 3 agreed with that. Even the boss allowed us to. So WTF with you. Just because we don't let you have the power to control us, so you had to get even with us. Seeing that the accountant don't stand by you, you had to add in another sentence, anything that can damage us. You said, everyday, around 5pm, we will be eating cup noodles. Can you please help me remember, when did I ever ate cup noodles in the office? I think I might have lost my memory, because I really don't know are you seeing ghost, or I can't remember that I ate cup noodles. If you want to complain about us, at least please do us the honours by speaking nothing but the truth. You Coward! I wished I heard the conversation between you and the accountant, because I wished to give the accountant a "high-5". She replied you :"There's nothing wrong with eating food in the company." *High-5*

You are not the GM of the company, you are a mere secretary, who lust for power. During office hours, you surfed the net, you download songs, you made the company pc full of viruses, you read story book in the toilet and u flirted with unwilling guys. You make me want to puke.

You want power, we just won't give it to you!!! Try me, I'm not afraid of you!!!

And if you provoke me, i'll shout back at you until you cry. Just like 1 of the ex-colleague who is so angry at you that he bang your table and scolded back at you. You lose your fight, so what do you do.

You cry.

I'm on MC for 2 days. But I can't really rest well. You know how it is, in our company, that even if you are real sick, people will say that you are faking it. They say don't abuse MC, like everyone on MC is faking it. Now I can't even help but feel guilty when i'm on MC. Am i faking it because i dun want to go to work? True enough that I really don't feel like going to work. But am i faking my sickness? Actually I was already not feeling well on Tuesday. I put off going to doc hoping that i will self cure. But yest, i still feel unwell, so i just decided to go to see doc this morn. I didn't expect that the doc will give me 2 days MC. This week is a super busy week because the US client is coming over. And I'm involved in the project. Now that i'm on MC, my the other colleague will be so angry and frustrated, she will be sighing every second and knocking her mouse hard on the table every minute. Do you know how unfair it's to me? That particular colleague and I are involved in a big project that the bosses told the client that there will be 14 people working on the project. They bluffed the number. They wanted our office to look very huge so that the client will have confidence to give us the project. Boss expect 2 person to do the work for 14 person. And I am not only handling 1 project at the same time, mind you. And when my other colleague went for a 1 week holiday just last few wks ago, i was left alone to handle so many stuff. But still, I got it through the tough week alone. But I feel unfair, why is it that I always has to help out my colleague, but when she's not around, i have to handle it myself? You know, sometimes i feel like following her, throw mouse, sigh loud. But what's the point? Whenever I'm helping her out, i'm the one doing most of the work. I can tell you she's pretty slow at drafting, but i'm not blaming her or anything. Becos i know she is not doing work slowly purposely. And i know how really frustrated it is when everyone is rushing you to finish this and that! But i know for sure, she will be thinking i'm faking the sickness. She will think that I look ok yesterday, so how come suddenly MC for 2 days.

And the boss is another mean person. He made us stay late yesterday and expect us to come to work earlier than 9am to finish the work. You know how lousy our office is! We can only claim dinner if we stay until 10pm. And we can only claim cab fees if we stay until 1130pm! What kind of welfare is that!?!?!!? Who ate dinner at 10pm without having gastric pain! I really hate that company, with a backstabber secretary and a mean boss and so many unfairness!!!!!!!!! We are lowly paid and overloaded with work. I can tell you even if you are working hard, the boss will only think you are not doing work, just because he saw us talking. He expects us to be a machine, to be working non-stop and no talking at all. Best is if we don't even go for toilet break! Why ah, why are bosses like that?

I'm sure they will say i'm faking sick because i want to escape from this busy wk and have a long wkend. Why, why can't i even rest well???

But after complaining in this blog, i think i feels much better liao. What the heck! Just let them say as long as my conscience is clear right?

Fen, sorry can't go ktv with u. We will arrange another day go ktv and celebrate your last day. I'm happy for you that you can escape that stupid place and look forward to a better place. I hope my last day at my stupid company comes soon too! :D

Sotongfang, you are my beam hor! We shall throw the letter at the niao ren table tog with tofu chan, lol!

Cheers for better future, everyone!! ^_^

你/我 在害怕什么？

我想每个人都有东西遗失后怎么样都找不回的经验。最近阿，不小心把坤坤掉在睡房的地上。捡回来的只有坤坤坐在椅子上的身体，他的头怎么找都找不到。你说会不会太奇怪了。床底下也找了，橱地下也找了，都没有嘞。总不能叫我在客厅找找吧，那太离谱了啦！一个小头不可能跳到那么远吧！可怜的坤坤只剩下身体，没有头的他都不知道还活着吗？

阿信有两个月没有写blog了。只希望他只是因为忙而没写，而不是因为他换了blog。只有读他的blog能够让我多了解他，我不想连这个唯一的管道都遗失掉。T_T

你有在害怕什么东西遗失掉而找不回吗？千万可别遗失掉自己哦。一天一年这样的过，后悔没做的事很多。有时候，我真的搞不懂我自己，明明是自己很喜欢的事情，为什么不会积极一点去做呢？我到底在等什么呢？27岁的自己，现在真的开始在后悔。还在想，如果我现在23岁，我肯定去做。那么，一直拖到32岁的我的时候，会不会又自己想，哎呀，如果我27岁的话，我就会去做！我这个人真够欠扁吧。人应该就活在当下吧。2008年再多两个月就要迎接2009了。我是不是又浪费了一年，没有做该做的事呢？好像是耶。那么，2009年是不是应该更积极一点呢？好像应该是吧！

好吧，那么就让我们一起努力迎接更美好的2009年吧！

等一下啦，那是不是说接下来的2个月就不需要努力啊？
好烦哦，我的未来到底有什么好事情在等着我呢？

みんなさん，がんばってね！n___n

p/s: 五月天今天来新加坡哦，呜~~~呼~~~！

Be careful where you step into!!!

I had the strangest event yesterday! Rashes appeared on my face so i decided to see a skin doctor. I went to this skin clinic at kreta ayer. And I thought my friend went there before. I sms my friend and she told me she don't rem ever seeing a doc there. Well, that's strange. I don't know why I just went to that clinic. The moment I stepped in, I almost wished I didn't! But, since I was already inside and I really didn't know where else I could see a skin doctor and I was anxious to have my rashes treated so I go ahead with the registration.

The clinic is so messy and old! Really very old! It was like I'm back to the 1970s. There's an obasan sitting at a table to do my registration. I almost wanted to ask her whether she's the doctor. If she is the doctor, i think i will freak out. It turns out she's the "nurse". Ok, so i went in to the doctor's room. It was an ojisan. The room is a damn mess! I think it is the most messy doctor's room i've ever seen! There are tons and tons of paper stacking all around the room. And the room is really old! I panicked inside my heart. What kind of clinic is this!!!

The doctor didn't really look carefully at my face. He just saw that my face got rashes. And the funny thing is he thought my birthmark is the rashes. I didn't clarify with him, because I already felt like leaving the room. Then he kept emphasise that his clinic cured so many people with serious skin problem. And he said his is a german clinic, and he kept showing me an OLD album with very OLD photo of those people with the skin problem. He talked to me for 40 min. And he kept saying the same thing. Don't eat deep fried food, must eat porridge, don't eat noodles, etc...

And then he even showed me how to use the lotion. He used a tissue paper to dap the lotion and apply on my face. And then he used a white powder to apply on my face. I can imagine my face is all white by now!!!! Damn it, I need a mirror ok, but there wasn't any in the room! And then he used a cotton pad to help me rub away the powder. I minded alot that he used the cotton pad to rub his pants first and use it on my face!!!!! I wanted very much to wash my face at that instant!

I asked for an MC, and you know what. I think either not many people visited the clinic or very seldom people asked for MC. Because the MC is such an old piece of paper!!! Even the clinic's address on that MC has only 4-number postal code!!! Now I don't even know whether my company accepts that MC anot, because it looks so weird!!!

The medicine itself is weird too! There are 3 lotions. 1 of them is black colour and it smells like sweet soya sauce. The doctor said that's because there's honey in it. (Or did they really just use sweet soya sauce!??!) I thought to myself that I don't think I dare to use it. And then there's 2 packet of pills, which is quite ok.

As if all the happenings is not worse, the worst part of it is, the total medical fees is $150. I almost felt my heart stopped! Consultation fees, which is listening to the doctor speaking of nothing constructive for 40min costs $50. The 3 bottle of lotion costs $40 and the two packets of pills costs $60. The luckiest luckiest part is I didn't have enough money and they only accept cash! I'm really glad that KK didn't have enough money too. I'm short of only $10 and it's that $10 that saved my money. And luckily KK was on the phone at that time, so while waiting for him, I kept thinking of the solution. KK said to go and withdraw the money, but i dun really feel like giving away my money for medicine which i dun think i wan to use. So in the end i plucked up my courage and told the "nurse" that I don't want the medicine. I'll pay for the consultation fees. And she said Ok. Just like that. I suspect it's not the 1st time a patient do that. I felt so lucky despite paying $50 for nothing.

Today the rashes on my face are gone. My skin felt dry, but I think it takes time for it to heal back. I think I am my best doctor. I will apply nothing on my face and let it heal naturally. Hopefully, please, let my complexion recover back. Pimples, please stay away from my face T_T

Moral of the story: Don't ever step into a clinic you have never been to unless your friend recommended it!

WTF!

It's a Saturday and I actually woke up at 650am! I just woke up for a pee, and then I couldn't sleep anymore. Because all of a sudden, the going-to-resign-from-my-current-company thoughts came up to my mind. And I was getting nervous, feeling butterflies in my stomach and I couldn't get back to sleep. I was really scared. I will be scared, when I put the resignation letter on my boss's table. I will be scared when my boss will ask me to go inside his office for the chat. I will be scared, because I have to look for a new job. I will be scared, because I dread interviews. I am scared that I couldn't find a better job, or that I couldn't even find a job.

Why huh, I lack courage and I lack self-confidence. I was always thinking how good to be this, how good to be that, but in reality, I really don't know how to start, how to accomplish things I want, how to get the ideal job I want.

It would be real good if resigning would be as easy as just sending an email to the boss, telling them, Hey Boss, I'm not going to work from today onwards. I quit! Like that, I no need to face the boss at all. I wouldn't be so nervous at all.

See, I'm a coward!

How ah? I really hope to accomplish something in my career leh. At least has a satisfying job! Arghhhh, everything is so hard for me now! I really wanted to temporary forget about it, and enjoy my CNY 1st. After CNY, I'm gonna be brave and take the 1st step. I think it's really time for me to leave my company. It's time to move on.

Wish me luck!